Staining
by SofieNoLongerExists
Summary: Okay, this is my first fanfic, a danisnotonfire/ Dan Howell and Amazingphil/ Phil Lester phan youtube slash. Sadly phan isn't real. I'll upload a new chapter every Monday to get you through the week, and warning: two of my friends cried at this, so don't read if you need to be cheered up! Rated T for most but rated M for a certain chapter. Please review for more stories! Enjoy...
1. Chapter 1

**Staining**

Phil's POV

"Hey, PS I Love You has come on Netflix!"

Dan. The one person I ever loved; the caramel-skinned, chocolate-haired, nut-eyed boy who'd stolen my heart when we first set eyes on each other. He was beautiful, funny, strong, trusting and honest. He was constantly adorable. It was weird that I shared a love for a guy with over 250,000 other people who we didn't know existed. But I loved him; I'd known him for years. His dark chocolaty eyes stared up at me, waiting for an answer. Oh Dan, he is perfect. But he wanted to watch PS I Love You on Netflix.

It was Saturday night, the night me and him always watched a film, with popcorn and cola. We always watched Kill Bill or Pokémon or some sort of adventure film, but tonight his favourite romantic comedy had come on Netflix; Bloody romantic comedies.

"Aw Dan, really? You know I hate those romantic comedies!"

He fixed his shining chocolate eyes into a puppy stare, melting my heart.

"Please? It's my favourite!"

The cute eyes and pouting pink lips nearly made me dribble. I caved in.

"Okay, just tonight."

"Yay! Aw thanks Phil."

I shuffled over to the sofa where Dan was curled up. He always curled up like that, he looked like a kitten. I like kittens. I flopped down next to him with the popcorn as the film began.

It wasn't that bad a film. Clichéd yes, but I could live with it. Just as the girl, Holly, received the first letter I heard Dan sniff. He was crying. I hated it when he cried, he looked so broken. I saw him wipe his cheeks. As he wiped the one closer to me, I felt the tear flick onto my skin. I refrained from shivering as I relished in the little part of him soaking into me. It was warm, wet, and somehow inadvertently flirtatious. I wanted to never touch my arm again, but then I had to brush it away and carrying on watching the film. It took all my strength.

Later on he was crying again, but I didn't notice too much. I was concentrating on not crying myself. Knotted gut, burning throat, pricking eyes, I hated it. Crying was painful, and you always want to stop, or not start at all if you're watching your most hated genre of film with your best friend. Sometimes I wished I was Dan; confident, hardly ever embarrassed, attractive. Oh hell attractive. I was so busy not crying it was even more of a surprise when Dan cuddled into my chest and curled even tighter into a ball. At first I was shocked, but then it felt natural. My arms entwined around him, his arms embracing mine, our fingers tangling and we held each other for the rest of the film.

As the black screen with white words flashed up, showing the credits, Dan's tear-stained face looked up to me, a little curve in his lips. I suddenly felt awkward and jumped from our embrace, stuttering some random excuse to get up and clear away. But Dan reached and gripped my wrist. I let out a long quiet breath before turning to his flawless face.

"Dan? What's wrong? Are you ok-"

He cut me off as he pressed his lips against mine…


	2. Chapter 2

Dan's POV

I heard him let out a long breath as he turned to me. I looked up at his ice skin, freezing me to the spot. His frost eyes that I'd so often gazed into chilled me to the bone. His coal hair that he flicked off of his face so much and not a single blemish scarred his skin. He started to talk, his silk voice caressing me. I couldn't hold back any longer. I leapt up, pressing myself to him, letting every emotion I'd felt for him pour through our lips. It was so strong I nearly fell over in surprise myself. He pulled away in astonishment and I immediately blushed and looked down. I couldn't quite believe I'd just done that. Oh no. But then.

He cupped my face with his hand, me feeling his soft cold skin against mine, making me tremble with lust. It was funny, how Phil had such cold hands and feet and skin the colour of ice to match. He lifted my chin to look straight into his eyes.

"Tell me everything."

And I did.

"Oh Phil! I love you; I've always loved you, right since from when we met. Your skin, your eyes, your hair, your everything! You're funny and sweet and innocent and beautiful and I can trust you with my life! I love it how we're best friends and we're known everywhere as best friends! I love how we can internet and game and eat and laugh together so easily, and we have things like totoro and Shakeaway and Delia Smith as just our little things, yet we share them with all our subscribers! And then there're all those fans that ship Phan! Don't say you don't know you saw me making my video! I secretly loved the sound of it and would read late at night gasping and loving the fact that fans thought this could actually happen between us! But then I would feel guilty because you didn't feel the same way and would delete my history and try to forget it'd ever happened. And it scares me so much that if one of us had got up, got off the internet and got a life we would never know the other existed, and I would have died loveless and alone, probably surrounded by cats and having people stick that bloody forever alone face to my door because that's what I would have done! You're my best friend Phil and I want to love you too! I'm sorry if this has ruined our friendship, and I'm sorry if you don't feel the same way, but you're the only person I've ever loved! I never loved anybody else! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

I ran away, like a coward, wishing I hadn't said a word. I probably had ruined my friendship and the consequences looked horrible. No YouTube, no superamazingproject, nothing. I head for my room, the pain stabbing me from the inside out, the agony of my internal bleeding just a sensation. But then I stopped.

Something had stopped me. Phil stood there, eyes glistening, gripping my wrist just as I'd done to him. Not sad eyes, just eyes that glistened; one of my favourite things about him. A hint of joy highlighted his face and stained his eyes. We just stared, for a few seconds maybe, but it felt like a lifetime.

"I'm sorry"

I choked the words through my tears, the pain almost collapsing me. I bet if anyone else in the world felt like this, they'd die from the pain. But no. I just had to keep on living. Day after day after terrible day.

"Don't be sorry. I feel exactly the same."

What? It took a few moments to set in, but then my heart soared, and I forgot what pain felt like. The sensation made me feel like I could fly.

"About you though, not me!"

He corrected himself, making me giggle like a little girl. I loved him. Even the lamest thing made me laugh. He leant in again and kissed me softly. His pillowed pinks lips caressed me. I couldn't remember where I'd heard it from, but there was a piece of writing describing someone, and their lips as two blushing pilgrims. When I first

heard the phrase it didn't make sense. I understood now.

I kissed back, feeling his soft, gorgeous lips on mine. I pressed my tongue gently against his mouth, waiting for acceptance. He was shy, but let me in, and I felt his tongue snake back past my lips. I fisted his soft black hair, desperate for more. His strong icicle arms wrapped around my waist, bringing me in and holding me forever, protecting me against the horrors of life that at one point we'd have to face. That thought scared me so I shook it out my head quickly. Phil could sense something and hugged me even tighter, if that was even possible. We loved passionately, our bodies fitting each other perfectly, our lips, necks and hips moving together in unity. I felt myself getting harder each second, and I smiled, a grinning boy smile, wanting everything…


	3. Chapter 3

**Err, okay guys this is the chapter that makes this story an M. It was very awkward to write but I've done it! Finally… Just saying. Enjoy!**

Phil's POV

I could feel Dan's body pressing into me, and I did the same. I felt him get hard, and my body copied. I was definitely not in control of myself, it was something else. But I wasn't complaining. We soon became mirror images. We were only linked through lips and arms, but it felt like everything connected us to each other. I could hear his short, sharp breaths, his head desperate for oxygen, his heart desperate for kissing. I could smell his familiar cologne, in the shadows of that toast guy smell he'd developed over the day. I could feel my black hair brush and tangle with his brunette, like ivy on an old house. I could taste the faint butter from the popcorn earlier, but mostly I just tasted Dan. He tasted unbelievable. He smiled through our kiss, a beautiful feeling. Anyone likes it when the person you love the most smiles through their kiss.

As if I had an out-of-body experience, I saw us from out of the entwining. It was beautiful. Just me and Dan pressed together, tangled, entwined, connected. His hand gripped my jaw, stroking it tenderly and holding me close. The hand felt its way down my neck, across my chest and stomach, his fingertips brushing the thin fabric of my clothes, the only thing keeping us apart now. Stroking me lightly, he carried on, down to my hard member. It hovered there for a second before linking with own hand, and he pulled away, grinning like a little boy on Christmas morning, yet slightly darker.

He led me down the hall to my room slowly, and opened the door, revealing my slightly messy room, my awesome collection of videogames, and my tousled, un-made bed. We didn't care for the clutter. He led me through, and I closed the door behind me. I decided to take control; desperate to show Dan how much I loved him, how much I would do for him.

I spun him around, pressing him against the door kissing hard, loving hard. Our tongues went back to the others mouth, fitting just like before, and my hand snaked down his torso and under his shirt. I felt his bare skin, almost sensing the golden shades. I shivered as he mimicked me, his hand stroking my chest. Without a second of regret, we ripped off each other shirts, knowing we were ready. They were thrown into a corner, with no purpose anymore, and we undid each others jeans. I fiddled with his, his item in the way, and I knew it was going to turn awkward. He laughed, the same happening to him, and we swapped and took off our own jeans.

We stood there, in our underwear, just staring at each other, his pale caramel skin glowing in the soft yellow light. Our mouths were open slightly, in shock. Nothing like this had ever happened before. It was exciting, intriguing. The most we'd seen of each other was when we ran quickly between the bathroom and shower, even then there were towels. His body tempted me. I stepped forward slowly, and I pushed him back against the door lusting, wanting. I wasn't the innocent one now.

The something took over again, like another Phil was working me, while I just sat back and enjoyed the pleasure. I stroked Dan down there, shivering with not want anymore, but need. I sensed what I was about to do, not quite believing it myself. My hand moved slow, and with fluidity, as if it'd done it a million times before. I grabbed and started pumping his erection, feeling filthy and sexy. A long slow moan from Dan just made me pump faster. I felt Dan's wetness, and he did too.

I drew away, staring into his chocolate, nutty eyes, and I suddenly felt a boy. We were still just boys. Boys loving each other so intensely it hurt. Dan, the guy I'd loved for forever and a day, loved me too. I wanted to show him my love for him, but I didn't know how to. It's so good to love someone so much it hurts, but how do you tell them that and get out everything? Dan did it perfectly earlier, with words; he was always good with words. He had put every feeling he'd had for me out there so perfectly but I couldn't do that! I didn't really specialise in anything, so it frustrated me so much that it was physically impossible to tell him. He smiled, reading my mind. He was good at that. He took over, pushing me onto the bed, me not complaining, yet again, and as he thrust into me, everything exploded in passion…


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, follows and favourites! Makes me feel so happy! Unlike this chapter, my friend says go get tissues. :)**

**The morning after**

**Dan's POV**

My eyes fluttered open, then closed again from the bright morning light. But then something clicked.

Eyes open like a bullet.

This wasn't my room.

Then I remembered the night before.

A long, low moan breathed through my lips as memories of last night came flooding back. The love, the lust, the thrust. I became aware of my surroundings as the light made rainbow coloured patterns through my lashes. I could feel Phil was behind me, his strong arms around my waist pulling me in tight, shielding me. His duvet and our clothes were in piles, forgotten on the floor. Phil didn't need to hide anything anymore. I lay there, in a little bubble of content, and Phil woke up.

"Hmm, Dan?"

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"Err, yeah, tired though. What-"

He cut himself off with the same long, low moan of remembrance. It was all flooding back to him, just like it'd done to me.

"Whoa. Last night,"

"You remember?"

"Yes. Wow. It was amazing."

"Perfection…"

We lay there, basking in our content together, when Phil said something. It rocked me to the core.

"Dan? What if this is all a dream and none of it really happened? And we'd wake up in a minute, not knowing how much we loved each other,"

I don't know how he got onto that thought, but then again, he's a daydreamer. I contemplated for a second, shaking. Then it clicked; Again.

"This can't be a dream; we can't dream the exact same thing. And if it was a dream, how would our minds know what the other looked like naked?"

He laughed.

"Yes. Oh yes!"

"So it's just reality,"

"The perfect, breath-taking reality,"

"Yes."

We went back to our bubble, our basking.

"Hey Dan!"

"yeah?"

"Stop cheating on my mum!"

Phil's failed attempt at a joke somehow made me laugh so much! He started laughing too, but at me laughing instead. I don't even know how that was funny, but both our eyes started streaming.

"Oh Phil, I love you!"

We wiped our eyes still smiling like idiots at each other. Then my face fell.

I had the notion. The notion that would rip up my heart and Phil's too. I started to cry properly, realising no solution. Uncontrollable tears that fell before I realised I was upset. My heart was breaking and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. The worst thing was the exact same feeling, exact same pain would hit Phil in less than two minutes.

"Phil,"

I sounded just as broken as I was. The tears flew steadily now, blotting my face. As I turned to face the love of my life, his face full of concern only for me, my tears dribbled and stained both our cold, naked skin…


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you everyone, it feels amazing when you follow and favourite and review! Here is the last chapter, and next week I'll upload a single chapter kickthestickz fanfic if you're into that too. But for now, enjoy...**

Phil's POV

"Phil,"

My name was choked through Dan's lips, and as he turned to face me, his tears soaking both him and me. His broken heart was screaming through his tears, and they were staining my soul.

"What's wrong? Dan? Oh Dan!"

I grabbed him, pulling him close, cradling him in my arms and rocked him like a baby, his tears still falling. I couldn't see what was wrong, he'd been laughing just seconds ago. It pained me so much to see Dan like this, broken and helpless, and I didn't know what to do to comfort him.

"Phil,"

"Yes?"

"Think. We can't do this,"

I thought. I thought long and hard about what he meant. And he was right. How could I have not realised this before, wasn't it staring us in the face?

Our friends, our family, our fans, they couldn't know this. It broke my heart.

"What do we do?"

I was crying now, sounding broken like Dan, wishing our pain would end and we could just be together, no complications, like a fairytale ending. Happy ever after. But fairytales are full of shit.

"We forget,"

His words came sharp and heartless, like knives and bullets. That's what it sounded like. Dan was speaking knives and bullets. But I knew he was right.

"We forget everything," He carried on, still shaking with upset.

"This never happened, we're not doing this now and we never will again. We go back to best friends and no more,"

"But I can't just forget. It's too strong,"

"Then this is the night that our true feelings were shown. You can remember, to be honest I didn't want to forget either, but we must never do this again. Never. Act like it never happened."

"But it was perfect,"

My feeble protests wouldn't do anything, I knew full well, but there was no harm in trying. The want still didn't realise.

"Yes it was. This was the one perfect night. It's never going to happen again, and no one but us will know. Okay?"

"Okay. No one,"

Repeating him was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

"Good. Coffee?"

Dan wiped his crimson lined eyes, and his tear-stained face. He got up and collected his once discarded clothes.

"One more kiss?" I whispered just loud enough.

"One more kiss and then nothing?"

One last tear rolled down his face and I could see his heart and the love in his eyes screaming 'yes'.

"No."

And he left my room. It was all over. We carried on living our lives as if nothing ever happened. We knew how the other felt, but we also knew the harm it would cause, the damage it would do. So it ended.

Nothing had happened.


End file.
